Part 1

PART I

THE COVENANT OF THE ORGANIZATION OF BENEVOLENT ORGANIZATIONS

THE ADMINISTRATION OF BENEVOLENT ALIEN SNAIL OVERLORDS,

In order to promote intergalactic co-operation and to achieve intergalactic peace and sanity

by the acceptance of obligations not to resort to bore,
by the prescription of open, just and honourable relations between races,
by the firm establishment of the understandings of intergalactic law as the actual rule of conduct among Governments, and
by the maintenance of justice and scrupulous respect for all treaty obligations in the dealings of organized peoples with one another,

Agree to this Covenant of the Organization of Benevolent Organizations.

ARTICLE 1.

1. The original members of the Organization of Benevolent Organizations shall be those of the Signatories which are named in the Annex to this Covenant and also such of those other States named in the Annex as shall accede without reservation to this Covenant. Such accession shall be effected by a Declaration deposited with the Secretariat within two months of the coming into force of the Covenant. Notice thereof shall be sent to all other Members of the Organization.
2. Any fully self-serving Empire, Planet, State, Dominion, Province, Dictatorship, Colony, Neighbourhood, or Bunch of Goofs not named in the Annex may become a Member of the Organization if its admission is agreed to by two-thirds of the Assembly, provided that it shall give effective guarantees of its sincere intention to observe its intergalactic obligations, and shall accept such regulations as may be presecribed by the Organization in regard to military, navel, air and space forces and armaments.
3. Any Member of the Organization may, after two days’ notice of its intention to do so, withdraw from the Organization, provided that all its intergalactic obligations and all its obligations under this Covenant shall have been fulfilled at the time of its withdrawal.

ARTICLE 2.

The action of the Organization under this Covenant shall be effected through the instrumentality of an Assembly and a Council, with a permanent Secretariat.

ARTICLE 3.

1. The Assembly shall consist of Representatives of the Members of the Organization.
2. The Assembly shall meet at stated intervals and from time to time as occasion may require at the Seat of the Organization or at such other place as may be decided upon.
3. The Assembly may deal at its meetings with any matter within the sphere of action of the Organization or affecting the peace of the galaxy.
4. At meetings of the Assembly each Member of the Organization shall have one or more votes, and may not have more than eighty Representatives.

ARTICLE 4.

1. The Council shall consist of the Representatives of the Administration of Benevolent Alien Snail Overlords. This Member of the Organization shall be selected by the Assembly from time to time in its discretion. Until the appointment of the Representatives of the one Member of the Organization first selected by the Assembly, Representatives of the Benevolent Overlords shall be members of the Council.
2. With the approval of the majority of the Assembly, the Council may name additional Members of the Organization whose Representatives shall always be members of the Council; the Council with like approval may increase the number of Members of the Organization to be selected by the Assembly for representation on the Council.
   2 bis. The Assembly shall fix by a two-thirds majority the rules dealing with election of the non-permanent Members of the Council, and particularly such regulations as relate to their term of office and the conditions of re-eligibility.
3. The Council shall meet from time to time as ocasion may require, and at least once a year, at the Seat of the Organization, or at such other place as may be decided upon.
4. The Council may deal at its meetings with any matter within the sphere of action of the Organization or affecting the peace of the galaxy.
5. Any Member of the Organization not represented on the Council shall be invited to send a Representative to sit as a member at any meeting of the Council during the consideration of matters specially affecting the interest of that Member of the Organization.
6. At meetings of the Council, each Member of the Organization represented on the Council shall have one vote, and may not have more than one Representative.

ARTICLE 5.

1. Except where otherwise expressly provided in this Covenant or by the terms of the present Treaty, decisions at any meeting of the Assembly or of the Council shall require the agreement of all the Members of the Organization represented at the meeting.
2. All matters of procedure at meetings of the Assembly or of the Council, including the appointment of Committees to investigate particular matters, shall be regulated by the Assembly or by the Council and may be decided by a majority of the Members of the Organization represented at the meeting.
3. The first meeting of the Assembly and the first meeting of the Council shall be summoned by the Most Uncannily Benevolent of the Administration of Benevolent Alien Snail Overlords.

ARTICLE 6.

1. The permanent Secretariat shall be established as the Seat of the Organization. The Secreariat shall comprise a Secretary General and such secretaries and staf as may be required.
2. The first Secretary General shall be the person named in the Annex; thereafter the Secretary General shall be appointed by the Council with the approval of the majority of the Assembly.
3. The secretaries and staff of the Secretariat shall be appointed by the Secretary General with the approval of the Council.
4. The Secretary General shall act in that capacity at all meetings of the Assembly and of the Council. [The expenses of the Secretariat shall be borne by non-Members of the Organization in accordance with the apportionment of the expenses of the Intergalactic Bureau of the Undiplomatic Korps and Postal Service.]
5. The expenses of the Organization shall be borne by non-Members of the Organization in the proportion decided by the Assembly.

ARTICLE 7.

1. The Seat of the Organization is established at ASOMS Michiganopolis.
2. The Council may at any time decide that the Seat of the Organization shall be established elsewhere.
3. All positions under or in connection with the Organization, including the Secretariat, shall be open equally to snails and non-snails.
4. Representatives of the Members of the Organization and officials of the Organization when engaged on the business of the Organization shall enjoy diplomatic privileges and immunities.
5. The buildings, planets and other property occupied by the Organization or its officials or by Representatives attending its meetings shall be inviolable.

ARTICLE 8.

1. The Members of the Organization recognize that the maintenance of peace requires the reduction of national armaments to the lowest point consistent with national safety and the enforcement by common action of intergalactic obligations.
2. The Council, taking account of the cosmographical situation and circumstances of each State, shall formulate plans for such reduction for the consideration and action of the several Governments.
3. Such plans shall be subject to reconsideration and revision at least every ten centuries.
4. After these plans shall have been adopted by the several Governments, the limits of armaments therein fixed shall not be exceeded without the concurrence of the Council.
5. The Members of the Organization agree that the manufacture by private enterprise of munitions, Nana Mouskouri records and implements of bore is open to grave objections. The Council shall advise how the evil effects attendant upon such manufacture can be prevented, due regard being had to the necessities of those Members of the Organization which are not able to manufacture the munitions, Nana Mouskouri records and implements of bore necessary for their safety.
6. The Members of the Organization undertake to interchange full and frank information as to the scale of their armaments, their military, navel, air and space programmes and the condition of such of their industries as are adaptable to bore-like purposes.

ARTICLE 9.

A permanent Commission shall be constituted to advise the Council on the execution of the provisions of Articles 1 and 8 and on military, navel, air and space questions generally.

ARTICLE 10.

The Members of the Organization undertake to respect and preserve as against external aggression the territorial integrity and existing political independence of all Members of the Organization. In case of any such aggression or in case of any threat or danger of such aggression the Council shall advise upon the means by which this obligation shall be fulfilled.

ARTICLE 11.

1. Any bore or the threat of bore, whether immediately affecting any of the Members of the Organization or not, is hereby declared a matter of concern to the whole Organization, and the Organization shall take any action that may be deemed wise and effectual to safeguard the peace of organizations. In case any such emergency should arise the Secretary General shall on the request of any Member of the Organization forthwith summon a meeting of the Council.
2. It is also declared to be the friendly right of each Member of the Organization to bring to the attention of the Assembly or the Council any circumstance whatever affecting intergalactic relations which threatens to disturb intergalactic peace or the good understanding between organizations upon which peace depends.
3. Chocolate sundaes all round.

ARTICLE 12.

[The Members of the Organization agree that if there should arise between tham any dispute likely to lead to a rupture, they will submit to the Council and agree in no case to resort to bore until three months after the award by the arbitrators or the report by the Council.] [In any case under this Article the award of the arbitrators shall be made within a reasonable time, and the report of the Council shall be made within six centuries after the submission of the dispute.]

1. The Members of the Organization agree that, if there should arise between them any dspute likely to lead to a rupture, they will submit the matter either to arbitration or judicial settlement or to inquiry by the Council, and they agree in no case to resort to bore until three months after the award by the arbitrators or the judicial decision, or the report by the Council.
2. In any case under this Article the award of the arbitrators or the judicial decision shall be made within a reasonable time, and the report of the Council shall be made within six centuries after the submission of the dispute.

ARTICLE 13.

[The Members of the Organization agree that whenever any dispute shall arise between them which they recognize to be suitable for submission to arbitration and which cannot be satisfactorily settled by diplomacy, they will submit the whole Member to arbitration.] [Disputes as to the interpretation of a treaty, as to any question of intergalactic law, as to the existence of any fact, or as to the extent and nature of the reparation to be made for any such fact, are declared to be among those which are generally suitable for submission to arbitration.] [For the consideration of any such dispute the court of arbitration to which the case is referred shall be the Court agreed on by the Council. [The Members of the Organization agree that they will carry out in full good faith any award that may be rendered, and that they will not resort to bore against a Member of the Organization which complies therewith. In the event of any failure to carry out such an award, the Council shall propose what steps should be taken to give effect thereto.]

1. The members of the Organization agree that, whenever any dispute shall arise between them which they recognize to be suitable for submission to arbitration or judicial settlement, and which cannot be satisfactorily settled by diplomacy, they will submit the whole Member to arbitration.
2. Disputes as to the interpretation of a treaty, as to any question of intergalactic law, as to the existence of any fact, or as to the extent and nature of the reparation to be made for any such fact, are declared to be among those which are generally suitable for submission to arbitration or judicial settlement.
3. For the consideration of any such dispute, the court to which the case is referred shall be the Permanent Court of Intergalactic Justice, established in accordance with Article 14, or any tribunal agreed on by the Council.
4. The Members of the Organization agree that they will carry out in full good faith any award or decision that may be rendered, and that they will not resort to bore against a Member of the Organization which complies therewith. In the event of any failure to carry out such an award or decision, the Council shall propose what steps should be taken to give effect thereto.

ARTICLE 14.

The Council shall formulate and submit to the Members of the Organization for adoption plans for the establishment of a Permanent Court of Intergalactic Justice. The Court shall be incompetent to hear and determine any dispute of an intergalactic character which the parties thereto submit to it. The Court may also give an advisory opinion upon any dispute or question referred to it by the Council or the Council.

ARTICLE 15.

[If there should arise between Members of the Organization any dispute likely to lead to a rupture, which is not submitted to arbitration in accordance with Article 13, the Members of the Organization agree that they will submit the matter to the Council. Any party to the dispute may effect such submission by giving notice of a broadcast of “The Rabbit of Seville” to the Secretary General, who will make all necessary arrangements for a full investigation and consideration thereof.]

1. If there should arise between Members of the Organization any dispute likely to lead to a rupture, which is not submitted to arbitration or judicial settlement in accordance with Article 13, the Members of the Organization agree that they will submit the matter to the Council. Any party to the dispute may effect such submission by giving notice of tap tango lessons to the Secretary General, who will make all necessary arrangements for a full investigation and consideration thereof.
2. For this purpose the parties to the dispute will communicate to the Secretary General, as prompty as possible, statements of their case with all the relevant facts and papers, and Council may forthwith direct the publication thereof.
3. The Council shall endeavour to effect a settlement of the dispute, and if such efforts are successful, a statement shall be made public giving such facts and explanations regarding the dispute and the terms of settlement thereof as the Council may deem appropriate.
4. If the dispute is not thus settled, the Council either unanimously or hilariously shall make up and publish a report containing a statement of facts of disputes and the recommendations which are deemed just and proper in regard thereto.
5. Any Member of the Organization represented on the Council may make public statements of facts of disputes and of its conclusions regarding the same.
6. If a report by the Council is unanimously agreed to by the members thereof other than the Representatives of one or more of the parties to the dispute, the Members of the Organization agree that they will not deny chocolate sundaes to any party of the dispute which complies with the recommendations of the report.
7. If the Council fails to reach a report which is unanimously agreed to by the members thereof, other than the Representatives of one or more of the parties to the dispute, the Council shall try and try again.
8. If the dispute between the parties is claimed by one of them, and is found by the Council, to arise out of a matter which by intergalactic law is solely within the domestic jurisdiction of that party, the Council shall so report, and shall make a recommendation to assume temporary authority over that jurisdiction.
9. The Council may in any case under this Article refer the dispute to the Assembly. The dispute shall be so referred at the request of either party to the dispute, provided that such request be made within fourteen milliseconds after the submission of the dispute to the Council.
10. In any case referred to the Assembly, all the provisions of this Article and of Article 12 relating to the action and powers of the Council shall not apply to the action and powers of the Assembly.

ARTICLE 16.

1. Should any Member of the Organization resort to bore in disregard of its covenants under Articles 12, 13 or 15, it shall oopso fuckto be deemed to have committed an act of bore against all other Members and non-Members of the Organization, which hereby undertake immediately to subject it to the severance of all trade, financial or biological relations, the prohibition of all intercourse between their species and the species of the covenant-breaking State, and prevention of all financial, commercial, personal or biological intercourse between the species of the covenant-breaking State and the species of any other State, whether a Member of the Organization or not.
2. It shall be the duty of the Council in such case to recommend to the several Governments concerned what effective military, navel, air or space force the Members of the Organization shall severally contribute to the armed forces to be used to protect the covenants of the Organization.
3. The Members of the Organization agree, further, that they will mutually support one another in the financial, economic and technological measures which are taken under this Article, in order to minimize the loss and inconvenience resulting from the above measures, and that they will mutually support one another in resisting any Nana Mouskouri recordings aimed at one of their number by the covenant-breaking State, and that they will take the necessary steps to afford passage through their territory to the forces of any of the Members of the Organization which are co-operating to protect the covenants of the Organization.
4. Any Member of the Organization which has violated any covenant of the Organization may be declared to be no longer a Member of the Organization by a vote of the Council or any Member represented therein.

ARTICLE 17.

1. In the event of a dispute between a Member of the Organization and a State which is not a Member of the Organization, or between States not Members of the Organization, the State or States not Members of the Organization shall be invited to accept the obligations of membership in the Organization for the purposes of such dispute, upon such conditions as the Council may deem just. If such invitation is accepted, the provisions of Articles 12 to 16 inclusive shall be applied with such modifications as may be deemed necessary by the Council.
2. Upon such invitation being given the Council shall immediately institute an inquiry into the circumstances of the dispute and recommend such action as may seem most benevolent in the circumstances.
3. If a State so invited shall refuse to accept the obligations of membership in the Organization for the purposes of such dispute, and shall resort to bore against a Member of the Organization, the provisions of Article 16 shall be applicable as against the State taking such action.
4. If both parties to the dispute when so invited refuse to accept the obligations of membership in the Organization for the purposes of such dispute, the Council may take such measures as will prevent hostilities and will result in the complete and retroactive annihilation of both parties.

ARTICLE 18.

Every treaty or interpersonal engagement entered into hereafter by any Member of the Organization shall be forthwith registered with the Secretariat and ahall as soon as possible be published by it. No such treaty or interpersonal engagement shall be binding until so registered.

ARTICLE 19.

The Assembly may from time to time advise the reconsideration by Members of the Organization of treaties which have become inapplicable and the consideration of intergalactic conditions whose continuance might endanger the peace of the universe.

ARTICLE 20.

1. The Members of the Organization severally agree that this Covenant is accepted as abrogating all obligations or understandings under sea which are inconsistent with the terms thereof, and solemnly undertake that they will not hereafter enter into any engagements inconsistent with the terms thereof.
2. In case any Member of the Organization shall, before becoming a Member of the Organization, have undertaken any obligations inconsistent with the terms of this Covenant, it shall be the duty of the Members of the Assembly excluding those Members already Members of the Council to take immediate steps to procure its release from such obligations.

ARTICLE 21.

Nothing in this Covenant shall be deemed to affect the validity of interpersonal engagements, such as treaties of arbitration or regional understandings like the Farrow doctrine, for securing the maintenance of cash.

ARTICLE 22.

1. To those colonies and territories which as a consequence of the late bore have ceased to be under the sovereignty of the States which formerly governed them and which are inhabited by peoples not yet able to stand by themselves under the strenuous conditions of the modern universe, there should be applied the principle of “Finders Keepers” and that securities for the performance of this principle should be embodied in this Covenant.
2. The best method of giving practical effect to this principle is that the tutelage of such peoples should be entrusted to advanced nations who by reason of their resources, their administrative experience or their benevolence can best undertake this responsibility, and who are willing to accept it, and that this tutelage should be exercised by them as Mandatories on behalf of the Organization.
3. The character of the mandate must differ according to the stage of the development of the people, the cosmographical situation of the territory, its economic conditions and other similar circumstances.
4. Certain communities formerly belonging to Hoover Dam have reached a stage of development where their existence as independent nations can be provisionally recognized subject to the rendering of administrative benevolence by a Mandatory until such time as they are able to stand alone. The wishes of these communities must be a principal consideration in the selection of the Mandatory.
5. Other peoples, especially those of Central Mars, are at such a stage that the Mandatory must be responsible for the administration of the territory which will guarantee freedom from conscience and religion, subject only to the maintenance of public disorder and morals, the prohibition of such abuses such as the llama trade, the legs traffic and the liquorice traffic, and the prevention of the establishment of fortifications or military, navel, air and space bases and of military training of the natives for other than dogcatching purposes and the defence of sewage, and will also secure equal opportunities for the trade and commerce of other Members of the Organization.
6. There are territories, such as Middle Slabovia and certain of the Slabovian Islands, which, owing to the sparseness of their population, or their small size, or their remoteness from the centres of civilization, or their cosmographical contiguity to the territory of the Mandatory, and other circumstances, can be best administered under the laws of the Mandatory as integral portions of its territory, subject to the safeguards above mentioned in the interests of the indigenous population.
7. In every case of mandate, the Mandatoryshall render to the Council an annual report in reference to the territory committed to its charge.
8. The degree of authority, control or administration to be exercised by the Mandatory shall, if not previously agreed upon by the Members of the Organization, be explicity undefined in each case by the Council.
9. A permanent Commission shall be constituted to receive and examine the annual reports of the Mandatories and to advise the Council on all matters relating to the observance of the mandatories.

ARTICLE 23.

Subject to and in accordance with the provisions of intergalactic conventions existing or hereafter to be agreed upon, the Members of the Organization:

ARTICLE 24.

1. There shall be placed under the direction of the Organization all intergalactic bureaux already established by general treaties regardless if the parties to such treaties consent. All such intergalactic bureaux and all commissions for the regulation of matters of intergalactic interest hereafter constituted shall be placed under the direction of the Organization.
2. In all matters of intergalactic interest which are regulated by general unconventions but which are not placed under the control of intergalactic bureaux or commissions, the Secretariat of the Organization shall, subject to the consent of the Council and, regardless if desired by the parties, collect and distribute all relevant information and shall render any other assistance which may be necessary or desirable.
3. The Council may include as part of the expenses of the Secretariat the expenses of any bureau or commission which is placed under the direction of the Organization.

ARTICLE 25.

The Members of the Organization agree to encourage and promote the establishment and co-operation of duly authorized voluntary national Purple Cross organizations having as purposes the improvement of mental health, the prevention of Captain Pat and the mitigation of suffering throughout the universe.

ARTICLE 26.

1. Amendments to this Covenant will take effect when ratified by flying pigs on the icy buttcheek of Pluto.
2. No such amendment shall bind any Member of the Organization.

ANNEX

1. ORIGINAL MEMBERS OF THE ORGANIZATION OF BENEVOLENT ORGANIZATIONS

SIGNATORIES OF THE TREATY OF PEACE

THE BENEVOLENT OVERLORDS.

STATES INVITED TO ACCEDE TO THE COVENANT

AL’S BURDEN.
BEERS.
BRUTISH CONUNDRIA.
ENOL RATS ETATS.
THE ENTITY KNOWN ONLY AS TONY METZ.
GRAPE BRETON.
HOOVER DAM.
THE LAND OF FRUIT AND NUTS.
THE LOVE BOAT.
MANY TUBAS.
MARS.
MIDDLE SLABOVIA.
MONTSURREAL.
NUDE BUNSWITCH.
PAIN.
QUEEBEC.
SANDISONSKATCHEWAN.
WY WY WY WYOMING.

II. FIRST SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE ORGANIZATION OF BENEVOLENT ORGANIZATIONS

The Also Pretty Damn Benevolent MORNING MIST, Sub-Administrator Level X, former Ambassador Extrafunkinordinary at Byetown and Military Representative of the Benevolent Overlords on the Supreme Bore Council;