Missions

Selected Operations and Projects of the Slabovian Navey and NO SS

OPERATION: THIS ISLAND EARTH

classified

OPERATION: MARS NEEDS WOMEN (4 May 70 - ongoing)

Cdr Goddard
As Mars’ most human-appearing operative on Earth, Goddard is to communicate with Mars for support against the Benevolent Overlords.

OPERATION: FORTIFY

Lt-Gov Emery, Lt(JG) MacGillivray, Cadet Oelrich, Cadet Yarker
Rossler class heavy cruiser USS Miss Toast
With the recent departure of Colonial Governor Tom St-John, Lt-Gov Sir Bob Emery put military recruitment at the top of his “to do” list. However, this could not be done without alerting the public. Thus, the annual Hornberg Casino Night was used to distract the press from the true mission of TEALS, namely the recruiting of Dave Yarker and Keith Oelrich. TEALS was able to test both recruits in a variety of combat disciplines without bringing the press down on them. Oelrich and Yarker were promptly assigned to POUFTA.

PROJECT: GABRIEL (May 1987)

Lt MacGillivray
The TEALS group (aka Lahr AV) was to design a spaceworthy vehicle for SAUSER. They not only designed it, but built a prototype. This project was a complete success, and TEALS was charged with the next step, which was to run simulations on the prototype (nicknamed the Lahr Stadthalle).

OPERATION: GOD SQUAD

Gov Emery, Lt MacGillivray, Ens Oelrich, Agent Chamois
Physics class frigate USS Douglas Pratley
By this time, it was clear that Lahr Colonial Press Secretary Prince Arthur Jamieson was becoming a danger to public relations between Slabovia and the rest of the world. In order to bring him into line, the TEALS task force arranged a “visit” between Jamieson and God. Jamieson underwent a complete mental breakdown and in the summer of 1988 was brought to the Smith Holes Rehabilitational and Recreational Facility to rearrange deck chairs.

OPERATION: KKK (Sep 87)

Lt MacGillivray, Ens Oelrich, Ens Yarker
After the October 1987 publication of Dr. Peter Kerklaan’s time-travel paper “At Any Rate”, a TEALS task force was charged with traveling back in time in order to publicly discredit Kerklaan and prevent him from publishing his influential paper. A large number of clocks, all showing different times, appeared in Kerklaan’s laboratory. “At Any Rate” no longer will existed.

OPERATION: US GUYS (Oct 87 - Jun 88)

Agent Goddard
A NO SS operation designed to allow Goddard further infiltration into the TEALS group. Goddard was to run a simulation of a civilian revolution campaign, casting the TEALS group (minus MacGillivray) as the heroes. This tested their reactions under carefully-controlled circumstances and allowed Goddard to form “friendships” with the members of the group. Unfortunately, Goddard got too close and eventually had to be removed to perform Operation SANDISON.

PROJECT: LOMBARDI (Mar 88)

Lt MacGillivray, Ens Dosenbach, Ens Oelrich, Ens Yarker, Ens Dostie, Ens Bartholomew
Lahr AV was to run combat & collision simulations on the Lahr Stadthalle. The team was extremely successful, and the designs were to be sent to SAUSER’s Byetown General Proconsulship for construction.

PROJECT: FLORENCE (22-23 Apr 88)

Lt MacGillivray, Ens Yarker, Ens Dostie, Ens Bartholomew, Agent Goddard
Lahr AV was to demonstrate systems aboard the Lahr Stadthalle to the NO SS for their approval. Agent Goddard recommended that MacGillivray and Yarker be sent to the Byetown GP to personally oversee all phases of the construction of the Slabovian space vehicle.

OPERATION: POLTERGEIST (88)

Lt MacGillivray, Ens Yarker, Ens Oelrich, Ens Bartholomew, Agent Gauthier
By this time, John Everingham had taken up Jamieson’s torch and begun to allow French to be spoken in his research group. The task force was to demonstrate its power by levitating his entire lab. This was a total success. Everingham’s whereabouts are currently unknown.

OPERATION: MIC SHAKE (88)

Lt MacGillivray, Ens Oelrich, Ens Yarker, Ens Dostie, Ens Bartholomew, Agent Goddard
Beebe class patrol ship USS Vibrator
Agent Goddard put in an emergency request for surveillance equipment to be delivered to Baden-Baden. Though the delivery was made in record time, the request was actually a ruse employed by Goddard to buy time to install a PIANO on the facility. The Vibrator was in serious need of repair to shock absorbers; Bartholomew in serious need of a new shirt. Re-evaluation of Dostie’s piloting abilities was recommended.

OPERATION: MAY DAY (27 Apr - 8 May 88)

Ens Yarker, Agent Goddard
Rushin class heavy cruiser USS Nikita
Yarker and Goddard were simultaneously tasked by their departments to exfiltrate a German pilot who had downed in Soviet airspace. Neither trusting the other, Goddard and Yarker stuck to each other like glue, neither thus completing the mission. NO SS gave up on the pilot completely, leaving it to Slabovian High Command to do the job.

OPERATION: SANDISON (6 Jul 88 - 11 Jun 89)

Agent Goddard
A NO SS operation designed to insert Goddard into Frigina under deep cover in order to assassinate the supreme dictator of Sandisonskatchewan, Johnny Sandison. Goddard was unfortunately driven insane over the course of the operation and had to be airlifted to Byetown for R&R and psychological evaluation.

PROJECT: HUNTING STUART (3 Oct 88 - 3 Dec 88)

LCdr MacGillivray, Ens Yarker, Space Cdt Goyette
MacGillivray and Yarker, having been posted to the Byetown GP in Sep 88, liaised with Space Cadet Henri Goyette aboard the spacecraft-in-progress USS Sir Will to test the life-support systems. The systems all tested green, except for the water, which tested red; the Sir Will also was judged to require a communications upgrade.

OPERATION: FUR HAT (Nov 88)

Ens Oelrich, Ens Bartholomew
The next available window for travel into the Soviet Union was during the anniversary of the October Revolution, and that’s when the exfiltration of the downed German pilot was due to occur. Unfortunately, without participation of NO SS, their intel was limited and neither Oelrich or Bartholomew were able to find the subject, as he had already been returned to Germany by the Soviets.

EXERCISE: EXPRESS (Feb 89)

LCdr MacGillivray, Ens Yarker, Agent Goddard
In preparation for the possibility of Bore, Yarker was charged with testing the reactions of MacGillivray and the suitability of Goddard for military operations in Byetown. Yarker created the distraction of a reunion of Lahr Colony members in Byetown, which MacGillivray was then tasked to organize. Meanwhile, Goddard was airlifted out of Frigina and into Byetown. MacGillivray’s reaction surpassed all expectations. At this point, Phase Two went into effect, in which MacGillivray and NO SS operatives Marianopolis and Hellas collaborated on a document-forging scheme which tested Goddard’s abilities to their fullest. After this exercise, Goddard was deemed suitable for a military posting should the need arise.

PROJECT: GIMME SOME TRUTH (3-4 Mar 89)

LCdr MacGillivray, Ens Yarker, Space Cdt Goyette The group from the last mission was to test alchohol-fuelled rocket systems and rocketeers. Rocket fuel cells were to be disguised as Holly Hobby thermoses. Unfortunately, leak of rocket fuel from the cells to the technicians resulted in abortion of the test.

OPERATION: GOLDEN GROTTO phase 1 (25-27 Jun 89)

Lt Goddard, Ens Yarker
Ludwig class destroyer USS Schwannboat
Yarker and Goddard (recently recruited from NO SS) were sent on a short-term propaganda campaign to instill faith in the new military régime in the eyes of small children. Though Yarker proved unsuited for this type of activity and was sent to BOTCH, Goddard proved perfectly suited, i.e. insane, and was sent to the Stamford Institute for further therapy. A second phase of this operation was recommended, with a more stable platform of operations and a more stable team.

EXERCISE: DETRAIN (Jun 89)

Lt MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Lt(JG) Dosenbach, Ens Yarker
Dowager class patrol ship USS Queen Moneca
A rapid-deployment exercise for MacGillivray, Goddard, and Yarker with Dosenbach as OPFOR. The purpose was to effect maximum confusion on the enemy, making him believe he’s never been to a location he has clearly identified previously. This exercise was a complete success. Dosenbach was promoted and posted to Ann Arbor.

OPERATION: GOLDEN GROTTO phase 2 (9 Jul 89)

Lt MacGillivray, Lt Goddard
This continued the previous mission objectives and was a complete success. It was recommended that Goddard be sprung from the Stamford Institute and that he and MacGillivray become part of a permanent Force of Occupation and for them to find a HQ for this purpose.

OPERATION: RAWHIDE (21-22 Jul 89)

Lt MacGillivray, Lt Goddard
Hoofprint class corsair USS Wartburg
With the llama population expanding rapidly, MacGillivray and Goddard were charged with gathering intelligence on their movements and sending this to Bragg in exile. On 12 Aug, Bragg sent a message to the capital by carrier bat, to the effect that he would return on 26 Aug to lead the Force of Occupation.

PROJECT: CAPTAIN CANEX

Lt(JG) Dostie
The development of a practical nuckular weapon at NERDS. Worked great.

OPERATION: UNKEMPT (14 Sep 89 - 4 Nov 89)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Space Cdt Goyette
Hoofprint class corsair USS Wartburg
This mission was to spread the fear of George in the populace. It was only partially successful -- Goddard’s famed Amoeba Man technique, while effective in Sandisonskatchewan, proved less effective in Slabovia proper. Bragg determined that he needed a real secret weapon and dispatched MacGillivray to CANEX to develop it.

OPERATION: MIRACLE WORKER (19 Nov 89)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard
Dowager class patrol ship USS Queen Moneca
MacGillivray and Goddard were dispatched to gather intelligence regarding the Pepsi threat outside Byetown. They established contact with the Coca-Cola Underground. Doug Hewko was consequently named Public Enemy #1, and it was discovered that Pepsi’s next target was to be Mike Dosenbach.

OPERATION: WOLVERINE (21 Nov - 26 Nov 89)

LCdr Dosenbach, Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Lt(JG) Yarker, Lt(JG) Dostie, Lt(JG) Jacksch
Weaver class corvette USS Radio Flyer
Stromberg class patrol ship USS Le Grume (escort)
After the report of an attempt to kill Dosenbach via Pepsi Assassin on the Michigan Front, the FOOLS team was used to rescue Dosenbach and secure the front. This they did by deploying the latest in Slabovian defense technology as a deterrent: the nucular weapons developed at NERDS under Dostie (see Project CAPTAIN CANEX). For security purposes, the escort did not accompany the Radio Flyer past the Slabovian border; also for security purposes, Dosenbach had not been alerted to the inclusion of either Yarker or Dostie on this mission. After the Battle of Ann Arbor, the Pepsi Assassin threat was neutralized and the Michigan front stabilized. All participants in this battle received the Ann Arbor campaign medal.

OPERATION: STRANGELOVE (Nov 89 - Jan 90)

Lt Goddard
When NLT (Nucular Launch Testing) went rogue under the command of Mad Mike, Goddard was sent in to attempt to resolve the situation. Goddard failed spectacularly and was pulled out of NLT and returned to the GP.

OPERATION: COLD STEEL (Jan 90)

Lt Goddard
To get Goddard out of Slabovia after Operation STRANGELOVE and to make him useful at the same time, he was tasked with the destruction of the llama train route between Byetown and Frigina. This mission was an unqualified success; the llama train service has not since reappeared.

PROJECT: FILTHY RICH (6 Jan 90 - 7 Apr 90)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard
Stackhouse class sloop USS Tyrone Power
Stackhouse class sloop USS Henry Duvall
This was a test of the Sir Will’s new communications system as well as of its emergency exit glass. This proved successful and the Sir Will was given green light for launch the following spring.

PROJECT: RUNAWAYS (6 Jan 90 - 24 Mar 90)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Space Cdt Goyette
This project was designed to prepare the message to be sent into space aboard the Sir Will and to install it. The message was a wall bearing the text “HELP” and was successfully installed.

PROJECT: CAMELOT (18 Mar 90 - 2 Jun 90)

Lt Goddard, Mr Morgan
This was designed to begin developing the technology to receive a response from aliens encountering the Sir Will. Despite an unsuccessful attempt on Goddard’s life, green light was given to developing the decryption technique for universal translation.

OPERATION: SEDIMENTAL JOURNEY (23 Apr 90 - 1 Aug 90)

Cdr Bragg
classified

FIRST ANNUAL REGRESSIONAL CONVENTION (Aug 90)

Ens Bartholomew, LCdr Dosenbach, Lt Goddard, Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Oelrich, Lt(JG) Yarker

PROJECT: 42 (Nov 90)

Lt Goddard, Mr Morgan
This was to develop the decryption technique for the eventual reception of alien messages from space. A morse-like sequence tapped out pedally was the best they could come up with this time. They were to make one more attempt at this (and one more only due to budgetary restrictions)

PROJECT: BALD SOPRANO

Lt Goddard
To assist with the development of systems aboard the Sir Will, Goddard was assigned a post as liaison with the Unicorn Program series at the University of Slabovia. This first project was to link the decryption techniques with navigational systems. Unfortunately, the only signal that appeared was the message “It’s not that way, it’s over here” repeated over and over and driving the lab team into the Stamford Institute.

PROJECT: PRIVATE EAR

Lt Goddard
Development of a portable decryption/navigation system further to and inspired by Bald Soprano. However, the Project Manager, who would only identify himself as “Tchaik”, turned every signal into opera, which drove him even further into madness and resulted in the complete destruction of the only prototype.

PROJECT: NOONDAY DEMONS

Lt Goddard
Figuring that isolation was better for receiving and decrypting signals from space, U of S isolated a test subject in cave in the Outer Outer Slabovian Desert to work on the decryption. Test subject began to construct “as instructed” a mound of his own waste. He was left in his cave.

PROJECT: HUIS CLOS

Lt Goddard
But isolation was not necessarily the wrong idea - perhaps they just needed more people. Goddard therefore was charged to bring three people randomly off the street and isolate them in a French Second Empire drawing room built specially for experimental purposes. Unable to escape, they began to spontaneously babble in French - which Goddard recognized as the nearest human equivalent to the ASO native language. This discovery warranted a large gathering at FOOLS of Bragg, Goddard, MacGillivray, Yarker, Oelrich and Bartholomew. Bartholomew was subsequently tasked to monitor all French-language activity in Lahr.

PROJECT: BABEL RAP (1 Jan 91 - 11 May 91)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray
An antenna was to be built in order to receive signals from aliens encountered in space by the Sir Will. Unfortunately, it was discovered that the antenna had been built inside the ship and now had to be removed prior to launch.

PROJECT: AND THE AIR DIDN’T ANSWER (1 Jan 91 - 11 May 91)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray
This was the training and development of the ground crew necessary to maintain communications with the Sir Will upon launch. As part of their training, they were sent aboard the Sir Will to remove the receiving antenna left inside by the BABEL RAP team.

OPERATION: PHREDERICTON DRIVE phase 1 (3 May 91 - 5 May 91)

LCdr Dosenbach, Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Lt Oelrich, Lt (JG) Yarker
Skipped class corvette USS Collision
Edelweiss class corvette USS Fukengruven
After the murder of Bartholomew in Lahr by Pepsi forces, the establishing of a secure corridor between Byetown and Bartholomew’s former base of operations in Phredericton became an immediate priority. Despite an attempt by Qbec’s police force to arrest the crew of the Collision, the corridor was secured, as evidenced by the Collision crew when their return journey was escorted by a Coca-Cola dreadnought.

PROJECT: RAYONS GAMMA

Lt Goddard
Goddard was assigned to monitor Unicorn’s next project: a study of the effect of gamma radiation on man-in-the-moon marigolds. This caused every human in the immediate vicinity to break spontaneously into French. After this project, Goddard was lifted out of Unicorn to prevent him from becoming a target.

PROJECT: IMPROMPTU (11 May 91)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Space Cdt Goyette The Sir Will, with Space Cadet Goyette aboard, was successfully launched from Cape Byetown with almost no notice from the press. However, the antenna was still aboard at launch.

OPERATION: BLUEBIRD (31 May 91 - 1 Jun 91)

Cdr Bragg, Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Oelrich
Drama class heavy cruiser USS Robert Kerr
The ground crew of the Sir Will was transplanted to the Oakville Facility to monitor communications with the USS Sir Will. The transplant took, and the space program was officially shut down by SAUSER upon its completion.

OPERATION: MISSIONARY POSITION

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard
Alternate class patrol ship USS Daisy
With Pepsi a resurgent force, it became necessary for FOOLS to establish a local branch of FRINGE (Field Reconnaissance and INtelligence Gathering Executive), to be based for security purposes in Manyticks, on the outskirts of Byetown. The purpose of FRINGE as set up by the NO SS in the Waste Land was to gather information on the Pepsi threat and report during a week-long conference/festival. Personnel from the University of Slabovia Unicorn program were used here to moderate success -- it was determined mostly that a FRINGE festival would be required the following year.

OPERATION: GREAT BRAIN ROBBERY (24 Aug 91)

Capt Bragg, Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Oelrich
Alternate class patrol ship USS Daisy
FOOLS was tasked the with the non-financial acquisition with maximum plausible deniability of the electro-magnetobrain code-named “Digital Fridge” from Atomico-Electro-Computo Limited. The Digital Fridge was installed at FOOLS to guide their strategy; later, it was given to Jeff Blakeney in impaired form (i.e. no brain inside) to foil Tom St-John’s power grab. The brain was housed at the USE Op Ctr for some time before it decided it had had enough and left.

OPERATION: PUMPKIN HEAD (31 Oct - 1 Nov 92)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard
classified pending Goddard’s recovery of memory obliterated by severe intoxication.

PROJECT: MERRY WIDOW (Nov 92)

Lt Goddard, Mr Morgan
The final attempt in the Orpheus series of universal decryption techniques was a kind of corset which, when worn, was to enable the wearer to understand any language, human or otherwise. Its only result was to emit a high-pitched squeal. Goddard was subsequently removed from the Orpheus program.

EXERCISE: INSTANT 3PLAY (11 Jan 92 - 9 May 92)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Ens Morgan, Ens McNicoll A test of the full operational capabilities of FOOLS and GP in all its capacities, the team was to prepare three simultaneous projects, i.e.

PROJECT: VALIANT

The testing of a new form of fast-acting execution technology. This test was a failure, as its only effect was to lull its victims into a low-level doze from which they eventually recovered.

PROJECT: EL CLAVADISTA

The testing of invisible parachutes. This was also a failure, as the two technicians in Mexico couldn’t see it to strap it onto the test subject, who subsequently died.

PROJECT: MIND’S I

A psychological warfare test devised by Goddard, whose major effect was to render the test audience confused and paranoid and mainly fearful of the personal psychology of Goddard.

After this exercise (in conjunction with Operation SPOTLIGHT) it was determined that FOOLS was not fulfilling its requirements.

OPERATION: SPOTLIGHT (Feb 92)

Acting-LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard
A public demonstration of the might of the Slabovian military to restore the public’s faith, this operation was a cataclysmic failure. In anticipation of the eventual collapse of Exercise INSTANT 3PLAY, Ops was separated from FOOLS and MacGillivray placed in command of the new SQUARE LAIR.

OPERATION: BYE TOWN, FAREWELL (Jun 92)

LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Lt Morgan
As part of the second annual Manyticks FRINGE festival, this team was sent into the countryside to gather intelligence on the force Pepsi was gathering. It was recommended after this mission (and particularly the “Grassy Nowell” incident) to send Goddard to Montsurreal as a mole, and to remove Bragg from the FOOLS “basket”, leaving Morgan as the only target in FOOLS.

OPERATION: PHREDERICTON DRIVE phase 2 (Jul 92)

Capt Dosenbach, LCdr MacGillivray, Lt Goddard, Lt Oelrich, Lt Dostie, Lt(JG) Yarker, Lt(JG) Robertson, Ens McNicoll
Damite class corvette USS Blueprint
Shitbox class corvette USS Supreme
This mission was to test the corridor between Byetown and Phredericton for security and convenience due to the upcoming mission of depositing Goddard “in country”. The corridor was as secure as ever, and neither crew was molested by the Qbec police.

OPERATION: RE:PAT phase 1 (28 Aug 93)

Cdr Dosenbach, LCdr MacGillivray, LCdr Oelrich, Lt(JG) McNicoll
X class light cruiser USS Elvis
With the Pepsi threat at an all-time high, Goddard was assigned a position as a deep-cover mole in Montsurreal. This mission was to safely deposit Goddard and his personal effects at 6659 Sherbrooke along the security corridor.

OPERATION: NEUROTRICHUS GIBBSII (28 Aug 93 - ongoing)

Cdr Goddard, Lt Morgan
Goddard is to gather information regarding the Pepsi threat from a deep-cover mole position in Montsurreal. This is to aid Slabovia’s long-term strategy of destablizing the government of Qbec. He is to use any and all possible means to obtain this information and may at any time recruit any personnel he feels necessary and justifiable.

OPERATION: PEPSI ASSASSIN (12-20 Jun 93)

LCdr MacGillivray, LCdr Goddard, Ens Morgan, LCdr Oelrich (Obs)
In conjunction with Coca-Cola, this team created an anti-Pepsi perimeter at Manyticks during the third FRINGE festival, leaving behind a team of Coke Snipers to secure the area permanently. Morgan was to request promotion after this Operation and be denied, resulting in his leaving the military. Goddard was awarded the CZ - which may or may not have something to do with Morgan’s actions.

OPERATION: RE:PAT phase 2 (Aug 93)

LCdr MacGillivray, LCdr Oelrich Elvis class light cruiser USS Leapfrog
After the success of Operation PEPSI ASSASSIN, 6659 Sherbrooke was deemed insecure and Goddard was to be relocated to DELPHI at Fairmount, in Montsurreal. This was carried off marvellously despite Goddard’s own lateness on the scene.

OPERATION: VACUUM (Feb 94)

Cdr Dosenbach, LCdr Goddard
Damite class corvette USS Blueprint
A special Expeditionary Group sent accidentally to make contact with purported alien inhabitants of the Nevada desert. Dosenbach and Goddard followed their retroactive orders to the letter, discovering the Hoover Damite race at Hoover Dam and uncovering their giant Margarita Mixers, documenting the entire disovery on video. All members of the Vacuous Expeditionary Group Accidentally Sent were awarded VEGAS and promoted.

OPERATION: WHITE FLAG (Aug 94)

Cdr Goddard, LCdr MacGillivray, Lt(JG) Roberston, Ens Chamois
Corpus Collosum class corvette USS Graescel
This team, known as the Clarkston Expeditionary Force, supervised the signing of the Treaty of Michiganopolis between the United Empire of Slabovia and the Benevolent Overlords, thus bringing a formal end to the World Bore. All members of the CEF were awarded the CEF.

EXERCISE: GET STUFFED (Oct 94)

LCdr MacGillivray, Mr Morgan
Corpus Collosum class corvette USS Graescel
MacGillivray was tasked with evaluating Goddard’s performance under adverse conditions -- i.e. Morgan. This was also secretly an exercise to determine Morgan’s functioning abilities in Montsurreal. It was recommended that Goddard become ORACLE at DELPHI and that Morgan be reinstated in the military and transferred to Montsurreal as soon as an appropriate facility could be located.

OPERATION: SINK ME! (Sep 95)

Capt Dosenbach, Cdr MacGillivray, Cdr Goddard, LCdr Oelrich, LCdr Yarker, Lt Robillard, Ens Lavictoire, Ens Clarke
Remedial class cruiser USS Byetown
Byetown class cruiser USS Margarita
Latefor class destroyer USS Bloop
Company class corvette USS Guiness
Lower class frigate USS Tin Can
Ambassador class sloop USS Pumpkin
Ambassador class sloop USS Glass Slipper
A diplomatic mission. The Byetown and her crew represented the United Slabovian Empire at the wedding of the Senior Hoover-Damite Liaison Officer (Capt M. Dosenbach) to a representative of the Hoover-Damites (Rachel Murray). This mariage represents a very important step towards a diplomatic settlement with the Hoover-Damites. The Byetown provided diplomatic services, as well as transportation to and from this wedding. This mission consisted of five phases as follows: PHASE 1: Capt Dosenbach flew from SFO to YYZ, and assumed command of the USS Byetown; PHASE 2: The Byetown travelled most of the way to SFO, receiving battle damage in Wy-Wy-Wyoming. The crew was transferred to USS Bloop following major systems failures aboard Byetown outside Winnemucca; PHASE 3: Mission Specialists were assembled, TUXEDOS fitted, and the ceremony rehearsed; PHASE 4: Wedding Ceremony followed by reception and mass partying; and PHASE 5: Mission crew returned to Llamatown aboard USS Marghuerita rather than the battle-damaged USS Byetown. This mission remains the pinnacle of Slabovian Military achievement. All participants in this mission were awarded the SINKME, with Queen’s Dispatches for bravery in combat awarded to Robillard and Yarker.
Full Report

PROJECT: RED MENACE

Ens Morgan
classified

OPERATION: HAND ME THAT PIANO (Oct 95)

Cdr Goddard, Ens Morgan
Lutz class corsair USS Whiner
The retrieval of one of the oldest known PIANOs from storage in Byetown, uncovered by Morgan’s research at NTS and installed later by Goddard, Morgan and an NTS tech crew.

PROJECT: MAJOR BARBARA

Ens Morgan
classified

OPERATION: BASEBALL BAT (Jan 96)

Ens Munn
The assassination of Dictator-Elect Rankin MacGillivray. Munn accomplished this mission successfully; the civilian threat to the rule of the military ended; TACT was defeated.

OPERATION: DEEP SIX (Feb 96)

Lt Dostie
Lower class frigate USS Highlightning
The assassination of Lord Ryder by choking on vomit. Dostie made sure he even died in hospital. Petawhowho was brought back into the Slabovian fold.

PROJECT: CENTRAL

Ens Morgan
classified

EXERCISE: CARBINGE (Mar 96)

Adm Bragg, Cdr MacGillivray, Cdr Goddard, LCdr Oelrich, LCdr Yarker, Lt Jacksch, Lt Robillard, Ens Lavictoire, Ens Clarke, Ens Morgan, Ens Lambert, Ms Malley, CSLO Foisy
Hammer class frigate USS Demeter
Paidfor class patrol ship USS Geekmobile
Tulip class patrol ship USS Tiptoe
Constithreetion class patrol ship USS Namepending
Exercise CARBINGE (Coca-Cola Addicts Rendezvous Before Idiots and Numpties Go to Exercise) was a rapid-deployment training exercise. Purpose:

1. To train for and practise rapid-deployment and rapid-response under hostile conditions;
2. To further indoctrinate personnel in the ways of The Company; and
3. To test personnel to determine suitability for Operation PLIGRIM.

This exercise also contained a surprise component involving consumption of beers and liaison with Coke Sniper liaisons. For the most part, the exercise was successful, all trainees passing muster. This exercise also led to the creation of the USMC.
Full Report

OPERATION: PLIGRIM - RECCE (Mar 96)

Ens Clarke
Innocuous Class Patrol Ship USS Iguana
Pemberton Class Corvette USS Wandering Buoy
In anticipation of a full-scale pilgrimage to mecca, the USS Iguana was dispatched to recce the route and gather intel regarding the physical security of the route, placement of Pepsi Assassins and Coke Snipers, as well as Flying J's.
Full Report

PROJECT: FLEA

Ens Morgan
classified

PROJECT: RESTORATION

Ens Morgan
classified

PROJECT: PLATEAU (15-23 Jun 96)

Cdr Goddard
Schwannboat class destroyer USS Goupil
A Montsurreal FRINGE inspirational seminar designed to encourage the apparent failure of the Slabovian population of Montsurreal to adjust to General Yin-Yang’s generation-long pogrom. This was met with little reaction -- after the events of the 1995 Neverendum the Slabovian population of Montsurreal was apparently politically too fatigued to even attend. As a sidebar, it must be noted that during the 1996 FRINGE, ORACLE hosted Prof. A.G. Gertsacov, who brought in some very interesting miniaturized ASO protection technology that Goddard would put to use during Operation LAST SPIKE.

OPERATION: LAST SPIKE (Jul 96)

Cdr Goddard
Intelligence-gathering on the Benevolent Overlords’ threat and history in the Waste Land. It was determined from Goddard’s exhaustive (and exhausting) documentation that support in the Waste for Slabovia’s long-term goals is most likely from Van Hoover and Winterpeg, with Phredmonton a strong second. Sandisonskatchewan is still a major BO problem.

PROJECT: DESDEMONA

Ens Morgan
An NTS project designed to further develop the TimeMaster technology, adding a space component. Project guinea pig Constance Ledbelly was transported to medieval Cyprus and Renaissance Verona and back to 1996 Montsurreal. However, the warp factor caused serious psychological damage and she will only allow herself to be referred to as “Michelle”.

EXERCISE: OP BELCH

Lt Jacksch
An exercise in consumption of Diet Coke. Results classified.

OPERATION: HYDRANTGATE (2 Nov 96)

Cdr MacGillivray, Cdr Goddard, Lt(JG) Munn, Ens Clarke
During sensitive border negotiations with Beers over the Fritzi Line, Goddard distracted Ambassador Seddon while Munn and the USMC splattered Fritzi, thus resolving the issue. The fire hydrant on the Line remained Slabovian while the land, water, water table, and everything else below it to the earth’s core became Beers property.

PROJECT: PIERCING (Nov 96)

Cdr Goddard, Dr Ballard
Goddard was sent to assist Dr. Llarry Ballard’s Strange Ghoti Labs and the Quantum Development Facility (QDF) in building the TimeMaster-assisted Orgonotron. The test subject, however, was unable to generate sufficient juice to get its mojo workin’ and Goddard and Ballard were forced to seek funding for further development. All in all, Ballard’s work was considered a dog’s breakfast.

PROJECT: EARNEST (Dec 10-14 96)

Ens Morgan
The second of four slated NTS projects, this one looking to develop the portable slave clone incubators known as HANDBAGs using a rediscovered 19th-century technique called Bunburying. Morgan’s main responsibility during this project was to ensure that a maximum number of Montsurrealers witnessed the HANDBAG in use, which he carried out awesomely.

EXERCISE: RED ISLAND (17-28 Feb 97)

Lt Jacksch
Preparation for the eventual invasion of Manhattan under guise of a business trip. Results classified.

PROJECT: NEW WORKS

Ens Morgan
Number Three: develop a light and portable aerial reconnaissance vehicle. Morgan, the Technical Director of this project, unfortunately failed when the design got out of his control and the vehicle became a “wind machine” with the aerodynamics of a grand piano. No one was hurt except for the test subject, who was killed.

OPERATION: PINNACLE (Mar 97)

Cdr MacGillivray, Lt(JG) Clarke, Lt Robertson
Packlid class corvette USS Reginod
Innocuous class patrol ship USS Iguana (escort)
Believing himself to be acting in the interest of national security, MacGillivray relieved Robertson of command of Reginod and contacted the ASO BA Sinsinnati in order to make a “present” of Reginod - actually rigged to self-destruct with MacGillivray aboard. Clarke was able to stop this plan, but unable to stop the ASO from pursuing Reginod. Escape was executed by leaving Reginod in Eastern Daylight Time during the daylight-to-standard shift. MacGillivray recommended that top priority be given to unsigning of the Treaty of Michiganopolis, aka CEF-2, aka Operation WIND UP.
Full Report

PROJECT: CHALK CIRCLE (29 Apr - 3 May 97)

Ens Morgan
And finally, a simple one: to instantaneously disintegrate small children with a death ray from space using spare parts. The rigging for the Chalk Circle ray should, of course, be small, light, portable, and simple to use. It proved to be exactly not so. Surprisingly, the disintegration proved retroactively fatal to the small child involved, so that when Goddard, MacGillivray and Clarke arrived to evaluate the project, a new test subject was required. Morgan was promoted out of NTSC.

OPERATION: RHYMES WITH RNJ (summer 97)

Lt(JG) Morgan, Ens Rosco
Elvis class light cruiser USS Meatplow
The bringing to light of activities within the notorious Repercussion Cult, who are expanding their gypsy gospel revival tour to parts heretofor unknown. The Cult this year seems to be presenting two “educational dramatic lectures in verse”, illustrating the dangers of consorting with the nefarious Queen Mab; and of throwing Titanium Pucks at asses. Morgan is to infiltrate the Cult and report back to ORACLE. Morgan required extra security and logistics support, which led to recruiting of Ens Rosco from SPCA (Special Personnel Coordination Advisory).

PROJECT: CUCKOO (14-23 Jun 97)

Cdr Goddard, Cdr MacGillivray, Ens Morgan (Obs), Ens Clarke (Obs), Ens MacWilliam, Dr Ballard
Innocuous class patrol ship USS Iguana
Tessier class corvette USS Bucephalus
A presentation to the Montsurreal FRINGE regarding the 1965 destruction of the ASO-ridden Baumgard, Sandisonskatchewan by heroic martyr Scotty Frost. This presentation was designed to inspire Montsurreal resistance to the ASO, particularly with regards to the imminent invasion of Mars by NASA/ASO. This story was picked up by two of the Montsurreal weekly newspapers and was well-received by the local intelligentsia. In addition, Goddard was able to use the FRINGE as cover for recruitment of former NO SS colleague Ens MacWilliam, who was dispatched to Bosstown to head up REVERE. Indicative of its success was QBec Hydro’s immediate attack on DELPHI’s generator.

OPERATION: SELLOUT (Jul 97)

Cdr Goddard
Corpus Colossum class corvette USS Bagnole
T H & B class heavy cruiser USS Lloyd D. Jackson
A fact-finding mission regarding combining resources of various project facilities in Byetown and Moronto, including the TFT Lab in Moronto, suspected of collaboration with QBec forces. Goddard made contact with GCTC, NAC, ARTS Court, and Trillium Labs in Byetown, as well as liaising with former U of S Project UNICORN colleagues; also made contact with TFT, Terra Gone, Pass Me Rye, TTA, PUC, and the Fact Lab.

OPERATION: ORANGE CRUSH (11-12 Jul 97)

Cdr MacGillivray, Cdr Goddard, LCdr Yarker, LCdr Oelrich, Lt Dostie, Ens Malley, Ens Lambert
Cerebellum class corvette USS Paeple Eater
Constithreetion class patrol ship USS Namepending
Lower class frigate USS Highlightning
Voyageur class heavy cruiser Nebuchadnezzar
In order to fully return Petawhowho to the Slabovian fold, a Lord had to be appointed to rule the local populace - one approved of by the Loyola Cult. Thus, LCdr Yarker married Ens Cathy Malley in a ceremony supervised by LCdr Oelrich in Queenston on 11 Jul. The following day in Petawhowho was the official handover ceremony by Lord and Lady Yarker, documented by Cdrs Goddard and MacGillivray and observed by Lt Dostie and Ens Lambert. MacGillivray, Lambert and Goddard returned to Llamatown to continue final preparations for Project SCAFFOLD.

PROJECT: SCAFFOLD (summer 97)

Cdr MacGillivray, Cdr Goddard (obs)
T H & B class heavy cruiser Lloyd D. Jackson
Voyageur class heavy cruiser Ashurbanipal
During the July 1997 NASA/ASO invasion of Mars, MacGillivray was tasked with the building of an antenna similar to, but not identical to, the BABEL RAP antenna, to facilitate defensive coordination between Slabovia and Mars, based in Llamatown. Once the antenna was erected (this time outdoors), MacGillivray and Lambert were then to hightail it to SOB Grape Breton to minimize potential retaliatory damages. Goddard was left briefly in Llamatown to distract the ASO and, once determining the area secure, returned to Montsurreal via Moronto (despite molestation by ASO).

PROJECT: URANUS (19-29 Mar 98)

Cdr Goddard, Lt(JG) Morgan, Dr Ballard
The subsequent phase in Strange Ghoti’s development of the Orgonotron, possible only after extensive rehabilitation of the original test subject. This proved impossible, leading to the emergency recruitment of a new test subject during the Ice Invasion of Jan 98. A more detailed test environment was created for the project, which received mixed reviews from the local research community and led to complete burnout on the part of Ballard, who refuses to talk about the project; and burnout on the part of test subject, who was remanded to the Stamford Institute.

PROJECT: TRANSIT

Cdr Goddard, Lt(JG) Morgan, Dr Ballard
Strange Ghoti development of a portable translator-encryption-decryption device in conjunction with the mysterious Cell 1774, recently taken over by The Guy. Goddard is also responsible for information-gathering regarding this insurrectionary organization. Despite the emerg airlift into the project of a former Unicorn Program colleague, the signal-to-noise ratio remained extremely low - the only truly recognizable signal being a loud “BUDDY!” emitted in a thick East Indian accent.

OPERATION: STUD FINDER (17-19 Apr 98)

Cdr MacGillivray, Cdr Goddard, LCdr Oelrich, LCdr Yarker, Lt Robillard, Lt Robertson, Lt(JG) Clarke, Ens Malley, Ens Chamois, Ens Douglas, Ens Andriovytch
Cancelled class corvette USS Recall
Constithreetion class patrol ship USS Namepending
Spade class corvette USS Maltese Falcon
After PINNACLE, Reginod was assumed lost in Eastern Daylight Time. However, in October 97 when Eastern Daylight Time reappeared, so did Reginod - exactly in the same position it left. Which meant, though the Earth had moved, Reginod had not - and at that point it collided with and destroyed the Hoover Damite diplomatic monitoring station in space. Clearly reparations had to be made, and SHC determined that the logical next sacrifice should be Lt “Ice Stud” Robillard. A large force from SHC was required to monitor protocol and secure an anti-ASO perimeter around the ceremony. In particular, the reception, which was held in ASO-held QBec. Though the reception hall was assaulted by QBec HYDRO (High Yield Destructive Retaliation Operations), everything was sweet as ice. Robillard was assigned to SUPER and civilian observer Kathleen Sharkey recommended for conscription into SCF.
Full Report

OPERATION: WHAT’S UP, DOC? (1 Jul - 12 Aug 98)

Cdr Goddard
A fact-finding mission in the Waste Land city of Algarry. Goddard was instructed in insurrectionary techniques by the famed One Yellow Rabbit faction. Two weeks of historical research was then conducted on the premises of Goddard’s old NO SS offices. There followed a recon mission of former NO SS colleagues in Frigina. Goddard determined that Algarry was ripe for further cooperation with anti-ASO forces, and that Sandisonskatchewan was still in the grip of weather”man” Johnny Sandison - as an assassination attempt at Crooked Lake showed. Goddard was reinserted into Montsurreal unmolested.

OPERATION BLUEBERRY HILL (Aug 98)

Lt(JG) Clarke, Dr. Tuckey, T. Sarkar, J. Thompson
Cadaver Class Corvette USS Roadkill
Classified
Full Report

OPERATION: DOOR PRIZE

Capt Dosenbach, Cdr MacGillivray, LCdr Oelrich, Lt Robertson, Agent Josephine, Agent Fiddler
Covert recovery of sophisticated equipment and artifacts from the now-defunct TEALS campaign. Only one artifact and some photos made it through.

2nd ANNUAL REGRESSIONAL CONVENTION (4-7 Sep 98)

Adm Bragg, Cdr Goddard, Cdr MacGillivray, LCdr Oelrich, Lt Robertson, Lt Robillard, Lt(JG) Clarke, Lt(JG) Munn, Ens Andriovytch, Ens Chamois, Ens Douglas, Ens Wall
Cancelled class corvette USS Recall
Whutzitz class corvette USS Idanoe
Spade class corvette USS Maltese Falcon
Voyageur class heavy cruiser Nebuchadnezzar
A meeting of the “minds” on one level, ceremony and party on the other. Working groups included:

• EFFORT redesign: 2 new categories to be added
• Y2K project: creation and possible launch of time capsule into space
• R&R Association: to be created to launder cash in $Cdn
• Navel Operations shortcomings: higher stakes required ASAP.

Count Bragg coronated King. Lt Robertson & Ens Chamois court-martialled & found guilty. DELPHI report on the completely-decrypted Treaty of Michiganopolis; Dr G. Tuckey tri’s to explain ASO physiology; LCdr Oelrich’s grandmother picked up from train station. All participants awarded E; Bragg creates X; Andriovytch awarded HIRTS; Clarke awarded PLIGRIM; Goddard promoted to Capt; Dostie promoted to LCdr; Cat promoted to Lt. Chamois posted to S10 as MODEL; Clarke posted to SCORE program at CNIB.

OPERATION: PURPLE VALLEY (dates classified)

Cdr MacGillivray, Lt(JG) Clarke, Ens Andriovytch, Ens Tuckey
Hermes class corvette USS Green Hornet
An exploratory mission in the hopes of finding the Purple Valley of myth and legend. Colossal failure.
Full Report

OPERATION: A BOAT FACE (8-11 Jul 99)

Cdr MacGillivray, Ens Bride, Ens MacGillivray, Space Cadet Sanchez, Ens Morgan
Shitbox class corvette USS Fuhgettaboudid
Transportation of the Slabovian delegates to a summit (literally, on a mountain-top) to discuss and share technology with regards to fermented air release techniques. Ens Bride (Slabovia’s expert) and Larry (the world’s guru) compared notes for hours. Side benefits of this mission included “consultation” with Ens Morgan and transportation of the Commander’s personal yacht to a new home.
Full Report

OPERATION: SNOWBALL (11 Dec 99)

King George, Cdr MacGillivray, Lt(JG) Clarke, Ens MacGillivray, Ens Tuckey, Ens Bride
Spade class corvette USS Maltese Falcon
Hooky class corvette USS Handbasket
Primarily a scientific mission to test theories that may lead to another champion advance in Slabovian technology. Specifically, to transport a snowball to hell and measure its chances. The operation was sabotaged and one Handbasket crewman…crewperson…well, Ens Tuckey was hospitalized and the snowball never made it to hell.
Full Report

OPERATION: BLACK FLAG (11 Dec 99)

King George, Cdr MacGillivray, Lt(JG) Clarke, Ens MacGillivray, Ens Tuckey, Ens Bride
Spade class corvette USS Maltese Falcon
Hooky class corvette USS Handbasket
Unsigning of the Treaty of Michiganopolis in an effort to revitalize the economy by starting another bore.
Full Report

OPERATION: GILDED CAGE (21-24 Apr 2000)

FAdm Dosenbach, Cdr MacGillivray, Cdr K Oelrich, Lt P Robillard, Lt K Robertson, A/Lt S Clarke, Lt(JG) D Munn, Ens G Bride, Ens MacGillivray, Ens K Sharkey, Ens G Tuckey, MOM (Mrs. MacGillivray)
Angst Class Frigate USS Half Moon (primary)
Daft Class Cruiser USS Mae West (primary)
Cancelled Class Corvette USS Fuzzyboxers (support)
Spade Class Corvette USS Maltese Falcon (support)
The primary objective of this mission was to extract a valuable POB (prisoner of bore) from the sinister Duke Orlando of Florida. This was difficult owing to the effects of “Stockholm syndrome”, where hostages from otherwise cold environments are held against their will in warm, sunny climates and begin to believe they “like it there”. This particular POB has been known to return to the Duke’s Dukedom time and again no matter how harsh the deprogramming. Secondary mission involved reconnaissance of Mars.
Full Report

3rd Annual Regressional Convention (30 Dec 2000)

Llamatown

OPERATION: BEYOND OUR KEN (31 Aug-2 Sep 04)

Capt Goddard, Cdr MacGillivray, Lt Clarke, LCdr Robillard, Lt(JG) Tuckey
Rondayvoo Class Frigate USS L’il Hank
In yet another attempt to foil Slabovian entropy and overall laxness, Pepsi Assassins ruthlessly assassinated the character of Ken Robertson. This caused a crack team of former Navey members to go undercover in a black ops mission to resecure the Q-Bec Corridor between Montsurreal and Nude Bunswich. After planting a marker in Hampton with the remains of the Robertson Unit, this task force determined that it was time to reactivate the Navey - and begin an offensive mission of world conquest, with one of Slabovia's most offensive officers at the helm. All participants in BEYOND OUR KEN awarded Ph.D.
Full Report

OPERATION: EX-PAT (6 Sep 04 - ongoing)

FAdm Goddard
After BEYOND OUR KEN, it was determined that Q-Bec was too "hot" for Slabovian personnel; but with a global Bore on Error ongoing, the French required pacifying once again. Dosenbach having failed spectacularly in subjugating these cheese-eating surrender monkeys, the job went to Slabovia's second-most-incompetent officer, who was duly promoted. FAdm Goddard was shipped out aboard commercial zeppelin just in time to watch Mirrorball Zep-Port go up in flames. Goddard will spend nine months embedded undercover at clown college and report findings sporadically.

OPERATION: DUCK UNCOVER (Mar 06)

Ens Wall
Cutter Class Corvette USS Blistex
The Navey sends its most expendable crewmember on a highly risky 5 year mission. He resurfaces two years after the targeted extraction date after NO SS Agent Baird compromises her own cover in order to recover him.
Full Report

OPERATION: WIND-UP (Sep 07)

Capt MacGillivray, LCdr Clarke, LCdr Robillard, Lt Chamois, Lt Munn, Lt Tuckey
Reginod Class Frigate USS Packlid
Whatzitz Class Corvette USS Hot Ride
A scientific mission aimed at examining alien technology and facilities in the hopes of being able to plot the location of the ASO homeworld.
Full Report

4th Annual Regressional Convention (1 Aug 2010)

Capt MacGillivray, Cdr Oelrich, LCdr Yarker, Lt Chamois, Lt(JG) Baird, Lt(JG) MacGillivray, Ens Sharkey, Ens Wall, Ens Yarker\\ Spade Class Corvette USS Stardust
Constithreetion Class Patrol Ship USS Namepending
?? Class Corvette USS Buttercup

OPERATION GNU WORLD ORDER (Mar 2016)

FAdm R MacGillivray, LCdr A MacGillivray, Cdt S MacGillivray
A team sent to deepest darkest Africa, disguised as a happy family on vacation, attempting to determine where llamas originated. Mission failed. The team spotted and identified over 65 forms of wildlife, but not a single llama was sighted. We are no closer to knowing where llamas originated.

OPERATION DOPY ARBORIST (Apr 2019)

LHAdm G Bragg, FAdm R MacGillivray, Capt S Clarke, LCdr R Orders, Lt C Mercer
Gauntlet Class Corsair USS Hammer of George
A small detachment of Slabovian Navey personnel traveled in stealth mode to upstate New York, where they inspected two derelicts ships, obtained detailed photographic and other records and attempted to either claim the ships in the name of the United Slabovian Empire, or lay charges to scuttle them if it appears the enemy may lay claim to either.

OPERATION DESERT CHILL (Aug 2022)

Lt (JG) Tribe, Ens Wall
Upper Class Frigate USS Voorlath
VIP Transport and operational support for Slabovian and allied delegates to MicroCon 2022 in Lost Wages. Secondary mission included reconnaissance of numerous Group W sites along the 4,000km return route that traversed Wyoming (here there be dragons).The ship and crew was awarded the Robertson Unit Citation for outstanding dedication, successful completion of the mission and sub-missions, and basically, for surviving.

OPERATION RED HOPE (Jun 2023)

LHAdm Bragg, FAdm R. MacGillivray, Cdr Robillard, Cdr. A. MacGillivray, Lt Mercer, Lt(JG) Mercer
Maltese Class Corvette USS Indigo Montoya
Concentrated Class Corsair USS Pylon
Gauntlet Class Corvette USS Hammer of George
Inter-micronational Joint Rescue mission to liberate the prisoner of Zenda (King Rudolf of Ruritania). The task force was 129 years too late, as the prisoner had been freed in 1894. Incomplete and inaccurate intelligence led to the mission being a failure but Slabovia annexed Zenda (for their own good).